Self Esteem

How do you feel about yourself?  Do you consider yourself attractive?  Interesting?  Sexy?  How do men respond to you?  Do men respond to you?

Self-image is the single most important ingredient in a good attitude.  The way you see the rest of the world depends to a great extent on how you see yourself.  To those with a positive self-image, the world is an exciting, challenging place.  To those with negative self-image, the world can be menacing and cruel.

A poor self-image can out you in double jeopardy- not only does the world seem depressing but by projecting your own insecurities, you make it depressing.  No matter what you do to the outside, for example, a makeover, your self-image eventually comes through.  If you perceive yourself negatively, that is how others will see you.  Self-image is also a key to the quality of your relationships.  A woman who feels good about herself projects a radiance that attracts others.  That kind of glowing good looks can't be bought or applied or faked.  When there is real satisfaction, it shows.

Southern Belle Manners

A true southern belle has perfect manners. Read up on your table manners, and make sure to always practice them. When you bump into someone accidentally, say "Excuse/Pardon me", when someone gives you a compliment, smile and say "Thank you!". And of course, always be polite to everyone. 

Respect your elders. Call anyone you meet "Ma'am" and "Sir", unless told to do otherwise. 

Add the nicknames "Sugar", "Sweetheart", "Darling'", "Lamb", and "Baby", to your vocabulary, and start calling your friends that. Don't overdo it though! 

Make sure you always dress well, and are presentable at all times. Do not wear clothes that are too revealing. Southern belles love wearing dresses, pearls, heels, and nice jackets. Invest in a few nice, casual dresses if you can. 

Keep yourself looking clean and neat. Bathe everyday, wear a light perfume, keep your hair looking nice and clean, keep your nails manicured and polished, and never cake on the make up! 

Southern Belle's are very family oriented. Always help out your family, spend quality time with them, and love them. Call your Mother, "Momma", and call your Father, "Daddy", regardless of how old you are! 

Take compliments well. When you're complimented, do not try to shoot down the compliment. When someone says "You look very pretty today!", smile warmly and say "Thank you! I love your ---!". Complimenting them back shows that
you're a sweet, kind person. 

Smile! A southern belle always has a bright, warm smile on her face. 

Have Southern hospitality. A southern belle is sweet, kind, and generous to everyone they come across. This is where "Southern Hospitality" comes in to play. If you don't like someone, still be polite and sweet. And if you can't, simply do not say anything! 

Learn how to make sweet tea! Offer it to everyone who visits your home. It's a Southern staple, and tastes delicious! 

Do your mother a favor, and clean the house for her a few times a month. Doing chores for your mother shows that you care, and respect all the sacrifices she does for you! 

Finish school. A southern belle has an education, and a good head on her shoulders. 

Don't drink excessive amounts of alcohol. A Southern belle would never be caught singing drunk in her panties. 

Never swear. Use euphemisms instead. Say "Darn" instead of "Damn", and so on. Swearing shows a lack of intelligence, it sounds dirty, and it's completely unnecessary. Even the word "crap" sounds vulgar.

Never speak of using the restroom to anyone. If you need to use the restroom, simply excuse yourself. 

Southern belles are very religious. Respect your religion, and those of others, as well.  God is your number one go-to advice-giver. 

Have genuine, sweet, down-to-earth attitude. 

Pay attention to how you present yourself. Hold your head up high, sit up straight, and have a neat, groomed
appearance.

White shoes should never be worn before Easter or after Labor Day, unless it is your own wedding.  Then it is okay to wear but when you change out of your bridal wear, you will need to change your shoes or you will be seen as "tacky".

Regardless of how many trips down the aisle a Belle has made, a Southern bride always wears white.

Cleavage is reserved for evenings.

Chewing gum in public is just plain "tacky".

 A modern Southern Belle may smoke or drink but they should never walk around with cigarette or a drink in hand.

Know how to accessorize without being tacky.  If in doubt, remove one item before leaving the house.  In the South, this is called "understated elegance".

Never gossip.  When you have something to say that isn't nice, always start out with "Bless her heart" or "Please pray for her".  You can pretty much get away with anything with those statements before it.

When someone is sick or passes away, bring food to the family.  People get hungry when taking care of an invalid and after losing a loved one, but they don't have time to cook.  Most belles have a favorite casserole that others eventually come to expect.  When they receive it, they get concerned that you may be sick, and you just might find other people showing up at your door with food.

A Southern Belle breaks rules all of the time and she does so in good humor.  However, as she skips along with an armful of stacked bracelets and white shoes the week before Thanksgiving, you can count on her looking over her shoulder to make sure her Mama isn't looking!

Never show anger in public.  Smile and always act like a lady.

Act helpless and confused when it is to your advantage; never let them know how clever and capable you really are!

Charm, charm. charm!

Be elegant and graceful!

A True Belle

    

 Belle Etiquette Must Know Rules

A true Southern Belle has a charm that radiates whenever she enters the room.  Her genuine​ smile and sweet Southern drawl will turn anyone's head.  A true Belle is always ready to help.  She volunteers for organizations without a second thought.  She is active in her community and also in her children's schools.  She tackles problems that no one else is willing to do.  A true Belle knows how to cook.  A Belle values her friends.  She showers them with kindness and affection while expecting nothing in return.  She will do everything she can to ensure their happiness and well-being.  She leans on them for support and knows that they will do the same for her.  A Southern Belle displays a grace that only few seem to show.  It takes time, education, and perseverance to become a true Southern Belle.

Manners of a Lady in the 1800's

Gait and Carriage

"A lady ought to adopt a modest and measured gait; too great hurry injures the grace which ought to characterize her. She should not turn her head on one side and on the other, especially in large towns or cities, where this bad habit seems to be an invitation to the impertinent. A lady should not present herself alone in a library, or a museum, unless she goes there to study, or work as an artist.

Gentlemen's attendance. - After twilight, a young lady would not be conducting herself in a becoming manner, by walking alone; and if she passes the evening with any one, she ought, beforehand, to provide some one to come for her at a stated hour; but if this is not practicable, she should politely ask of the person whom she is visiting, to permit a servant to accompany her."

Attentions to Others

When you are passing in the street, and see coming towards you a person of your acquaintance, whether a lady or an elderly person, you should offer them the wall, that is to say, the side next the houses. If a carriage should happen to stop, in such a manner as to leave only a narrow passage between it and the houses, beware of elbowing and rudely crowding the passengers, with a view to get by more expeditiously; wait your turn, and if any one of the persons before mentioned comes up, you should edge up to the wall, in order to give them the place. They also, as they pass, should bow politely to you.

Raising the Dress

When tripping over the pavement, a lady should gracefully raise her dress a little above her ankle. With the right hand, she should hold together the folds of her gown, and draw them towards the right side. To raise the dress on. both sides, and with both hands, is vulgar. This ungraceful practice can only be tolerated for a moment, when the mud is very deep.

Speaking to Your Husband

A lady should not say "my husband," except among intimates; in every other case she should address him by his name, calling him "Mr." It is equally proper, except on occasions of ceremony, and while she is quite young, to designate him by his Christian name.

Never use the initial of a person's name to designate him; as "Mr. P.," "Mr. L.," etc. Nothing is so odious as to hear a lady speak of her husband, or, indeed, any one else, as "Mr. B."

How a lady should be spoken of by her husband. - It is equally improper for a gentleman to say "my wife," except among very intimate friends; he should mention her as "Mrs. So-and-so." When in private, the expression "my dear," or merely the Christian name, is considered in accordance with the best usage among the more refined.

Manners from the Fifties

Good Manners of the 1950s

Manners for Young Children

Children had a very  strict behavioral code to follow from a very young age in the 1950s. Mothers  strove to provide clean, well-ordered homes, with well-behaved children at all times. To this end, children followed a long list of rules including holding  doors for adults, greeting elders with proscribed scripts, never leaving the  dinner table early, not speaking until spoken to and saying "may I" instead of
"I want". "Please" and "thank you" were mandatory at all  times.

High School Manners

As children matured, schools reinforced manners. "Mental Hygiene" films,  based on the propaganda films of World War II promoted good manners in every  conceivable situation. These 15-minute films included subjects ranging from "how to make friends" to what happens to outcasts and drug users. Well mannered teens  were expected to dress cleanly and modestly, speak politely at all times, follow  scripts for greetings and many social interactions and look to adults for guidance.

Dating Manner

Dating was expected in high school. Teenagers followed a strict code while  dating. Girls were asked out by boys and provided answers quickly. Boys provided detailed information about the date at the time of the invitation, and asked far  enough ahead of time. At the time of the date, both were ready on time and the  polite boy arrived to pick up the girl with enough time to visit with her  parents for a few minutes.

During the date, both the boy and the girl were instructed on where to sit  (e.g. boy sits on the outside), who should walk in front (boy leads to seats,  girl leads out) and how to order food politely.  Boys were expected to open  doors for girls, hold chairs for them, help them with their wraps and pay the  bill.  Girls were to be attractive and pleasant company at all  times.

College Manner

When entering college, students were provided with etiquette guides  reinforcing that the behavior expected from them at home was still expected. The etiquette guide from Rose Polytechnic Institute in Terre Haute, Indiana, clearly  outlined expected manners in multiple situations, including appropriate greetings (introduce elders first), invitation protocols, dance protocols and  dining protocols. As with dating expectations, the etiquette outlined was very  rigid. For example, when being introduced a student must answer "how do you do"  plus the name. Never should a student respond with "pleased to meet you" or  anything else.

Manners From Yesteryears

During the reign of Louis XIV of France, the expectations of  proper social behavior when in the presence of the King were codified and distributed  on small cards to members of his court to assure uniformity of court behavior.  In French, this placard or card upon which these rules of behavior were listed  was referred to as an “etiquette.” This term soon became the synonym for acceptable public behavior.

The Southern Woman

A Southern Woman

Growing up in a Pentecostal family, my mother taught me to be a true Southern Lady by using the Bible as reference.  The virtues of a true lady are spelled out for us in Proverbs 31.  I like using the Amplified Version of the Bible since it is easier to understand and mine also has commentaries by Joyce Meyer whom I love to hear preach and teach!

"A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman- who is he who can find her?  She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.  The heart of her husband trusts in her confidently and relies on and believes in her securely so he has no lack of honest gain or need dishonest spoil.  She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.  She seeks out wool and flax and works with willing hands to develop it.  She is like the merchant ships loaded with foodstuff; she brings her household's food from afar.  She rises while it is yet night and gets food for her household and assigns her maids their tasks.  She considers a new field before she buys or accepts it, with her savings she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard.  She girds herself with strength (spiritual, mental, and physical fitness for her God given tasks) and makes her arms strong and firm.  She tastes and sees that her gain from work is good; her lamp goes not out, but it burns on continually through the night (of trouble, privation, or sorrow, warning away fear, doubt, and distrust).  She lays her hands to the spindle and her hands hold the distaff.  She opens her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her filled hands to the needy (whether in body, spirit, or mind).  She fears not the snow for her family, for all her household are doubly clothed in scarlet.  She makes for herself coverlets, cushions, and rugs of tapestry.  Her clothing is of linen, pure and fine, and of purple.  Her husband is known in the city's gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.  She makes fine linen garments and leads others to buy them; she delivers to the merchants girdles (or sashes that free one up for service).  Strength and dignity are clothing and her position is secure; she rejoices over the future.  She opens her mouth in skillful and Godly Wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.  She looks well to how things go on in her household, and the bread of idleness (gossip, discontent, and self-pity) she will not eat.  Her children rise up and call her blessed and her husband boasts and praises her.  Many daughters have done virtuously, nobly, and well, but you excel them all.  Charm and grace are deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she will be praised!  Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates."  Proverbs 31:10-31

Lemuel extols on the character of the Godly wife and mother.  He wrote this beautiful acrostic poem, one in which each verse begins with a succeeding letter of the Hebrew alphabet.  He profiles a woman who is godly, industrious, creative, sensitive, multi-talented, and one who is a wife and mother!  She wears many different hats.  She is a seamstress, a merchant, a cook, real estate agent, gardener, and community volunteer.  But her energies are directed towards her home and is a blessing to her family.  Embrace what you are!  You are wife and mother and your family is blessed to have you.  To be a Southern Lady you must be a Proverbs 31 Lady!